Archive for Delta

Through the Cookie Glass

Posted in stupidity, video games with tags , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2013 by drayfish

Cookies 00

IMAGE: Cookie Clicker by Orteil

WARNING: Do not click the cookies. Leave the cookies be.

Dear Delta V of the AWTR site,

What the hell have you just done to me?!

What the hell is this?

What am I doing?!

You said this was a new form of game!  You said it was an ‘incrementer’!

You said it was free!  But it’s taking my life!

I thought I was the player, but I’m the one being played…

Measuring out my life in cookie clicks.

Do I have control?  Do I dare eat a peach?

I have now stared into the void …and damnable cookies stared back.

Why can’t I close this thing down?!  Why can’t I be free of that giant throbbing cookie and its ageless, seeking eye?!

I don’t want to click anymore… Why am I still clicking?!?!

It’s like the ‘Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ short in Fantasia – they keep multiplying, keep expanding exponentially…  I click to get to that higher rung, so the higher rung just gets higher, and the cookies increase, and the multipliers expand, and the sky is the limit, but there’s more sky beyond that sky…

Wait, what’s that screaming sound?

…Oh.  That’s me.

How long have I been screaming?

For introducing me to Orteil’s Cookie Clicker, you sir, will be hearing from my lawyers.

I curse you, and will tell future generations of your misdeeds.

Just as soon as I get this macaroon upgrade…



Whoops, I mean: Cookie


I mean, ‘drayfish’.

Cookie 04

IMAGE: Cookie Clicker

What immortal hand or eye, / Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

EDIT:  In further, evil-related news, it appears that Cookie Clicker has now been parodied in a Breaking Bad homage, Clicking Bad.  I’m not sure that the gameplay-reward-feedback-loop-as-drug-addiction metaphor really needed to be spelled out that overtly (after all, the exponentially increasing cookies are likened to every corruptive obsession from fame to money to heroin pretty explicitly in the original game), but it has a nice pun title and references Arrested Development straight out of the gates, so what more do you want?

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